If you’re who also smirks every time you see a 69 out there in the world, you’re going to enjoy these adult jokes as much as we do. Because, while we swear we do adult things, our sense of humor is still stuck in our pre-teen years.
Whether you’re looking for something a little spicy (and silly) to text your partner or you really want to liven up Thanksgiving here are some funny dirty jokes, one-liners, and pick-up lines to get you started. We don’t recommend using the latter at Thanksgiving.
Funny Adult Jokes
- What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.
- What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
- What did the clitoris say to the vulva? It’s all good in the hood!
- What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
- What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
- What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, I’m going in.
- Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming.
- What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle.
- What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
- What did Cinderella do when she got the ball? She gagged.
- What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
- Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
- What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!
- They say make up sex is the best… Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
- What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
- What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? A trip without kids.
- I just had sex in an elevator. It was great on so many levels.
- When should condoms be used? Every conceivable occasion.
- Why don’t witches wear underwear? Because they need a better grip.
- Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
Adult One-Liners
- Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.
- 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
- Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
- I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.
- An Australian kiss – the same as a French kiss, but down under.
- I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot.
- A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”
Adult Pick-Up Lines
- Your body is 70 percent water, and I’m thirsty.
- I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
- I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
- I grew out my undercut, but I could still get under you.
- I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
- If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
- I’m always on top of important things. Would you like to be on the list?
- Stop undressing me with your eyes! Use your teeth!
- We can go out for dinner, as long as I can have you for dessert.
- Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
- Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.
- Do you want to come to my time machine? We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70.
- Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
- Comp het? Girl, I don’t feel any kind of het when I look at you.
- Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
- Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
- Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
- Do you like girls? Because I am one of those.
- After signaling someone using one finger: “If I could make you come with just one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand
- F**k me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
- How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
Ashley Hubbard is a freelance writer and creator. As a Darcy Magazine contributor, she covers all things related to nails, entertainment news, pop culture trends, and more. Additionally, she regularly writes interview-based celebrity stories for Coping with Cancer magazine and has written for other publications, including Let's Eat Cake, Roadtrippers, Greatist, and Healthline. She has also been featured by Impact Travel Alliance as a creative who is transforming travel, and by Matador Network as a vegan travel blogger you should be following on Instagram.
Ashley is a Nashville unicorn (born, raised, and based), queer, vegan, and dedicated to leaving a positive impact through her life, work, and her website, Wild Hearted.
When she's not writing, she's traveling, reading a book, trying not to kill her houseplants, worshiping her dog, or having an existential crisis. Follow her on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and Twitter, and LinkedIn
Ashley is a Nashville unicorn (born, raised, and based), queer, vegan, and dedicated to leaving a positive impact through her life, work, and her website, Wild Hearted.
When she's not writing, she's traveling, reading a book, trying not to kill her houseplants, worshiping her dog, or having an existential crisis. Follow her on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and Twitter, and LinkedIn
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