Some dads are into fishing. Others are incredible cooks. And some father figures always have the best book recommendations. But no matter their personality or interests, all dads have one thing in common: their love of…bad dad jokes.
Oh, and sure, their kids, too.
From terrible one-liners to corny puns, here are some of the best – er, worst? – dad jokes out there. They’ll make you laugh, they’ll make you roll your eyes, and they’ll make you appreciate the fact that your Pops can always lighten the mood.
115 Bad Dad Jokes
- What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office!
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
- I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
- I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back.
- Why is sand so optimistic? It has a can-dune attitude.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”
- Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
- Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
- Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried, but I mist.
- I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
- What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
- Why would doors do well on social media? Everyone looks for their handles.
- Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
- What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
- What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? “Cool Ranch!”
- I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
- I like telling Dad jokes…sometimes he laughs.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
- That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.
- What does a karate master get rewarded with while driving? A seat belt.
- People are making apocalypse joke like there is no tomorrow!
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- What do lions use to look at their manes? Mirroars.
- I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
- What piece on the playground is always exhausted? The tire swing.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
- Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.
- I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself ‘well this changes everything’.
- What did the late tomato say to the other tomatoes? Don’t worry i’ll ketchup.
- My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
- Why did two tall people get along so well? They could really see eye to eye.
- What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
- What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
- Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life? All-purpose.
- Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
- Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge? The leeks.
- What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
- Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they makeup.
- What did the police officer say to the belly button? You’re under a vest!
- RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
- Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
- Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.
- Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off? He’s all right now!
- Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- What does a house wear? Address.
- There’s a new type of broom in stores. It’s sweeping the nation!
- How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
- What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
- Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
- What did one furniture maker say to another during a tense discussion? “Let’s table this.”
- Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
- Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota.
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- I went to a seafood disco last week! Pulled a mussel!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
- Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
- What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs!
- If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
- What’s a writer’s favorite train station? Penn Station.
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.
- Why don’t phones ever go hungry? They have plenty of apps to choose from.
- What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
- What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!”
- What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? “You’re a real gem.”
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: ‘sorry we don’t serve food here’
- Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
- What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.
Best Bad Dad Puns
- I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
- Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
- Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
- What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
- Milk is the fastest liquid on earth. It’s pasteurized before you even see it!
- Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
- How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
- How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah!
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
- What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle.
- The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
- What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
- When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
- Where do wasps like to get lunch? A bee-stro.
- What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
- What did the husband say to his wife right after getting LASIK surgery? “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
Hannah Rex is Darcy’s Executive Editor. She has a background in journalism, content marketing, and SEO writing. She currently covers entertainment news, food news and trends, pop culture trends, and more. In addition to Darcy, she has written for companies including Beachbody, FitPlan, Soothe, Let's Eat Cake, and Her Campus. She also manages Darcy’s Instagram and weekly newsletters.
When not sitting behind a computer writing and editing, she’s an avid runner and yogi with an RYT 200 certification. Follow her on Instagram @hannah_rex and LinkedIn.
When not sitting behind a computer writing and editing, she’s an avid runner and yogi with an RYT 200 certification. Follow her on Instagram @hannah_rex and LinkedIn.
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