If you’re into kink or are dating using apps like Feeld of FetLife, you may have come across an alphabet soup of acronyms and BDSM terms you don’t recognize.
That’s because the kink community developed its own language to help like-minded people find each other. Which is great for the existing community… not so much for everyone who just realized they like getting tied up.
So, here’s your guide to common kink and BDSM terms so you can find the perfect mouth for your ball gag.
Common BDSM Terms and Kink Definitions
1. Kink
Kink is an umbrella term for any non-vanilla sex. It can include BDSM, fetishes, role playing, using accessories like bondage equipment, sensation and impact play, group sex, exhibitionism, and more.
2. BDSM
BDSM is the first of a long list of acronyms that kinksters use. BDSM “stands for B&D (bondage and discipline), D/s (dominance and submission), and S&M (sadism and masochism), and is used as an overarching term to describe various types of kinky sex or play,” says Gabby Dumonceaux of Kinkly.com.
3. Safe Word
A safe word is a predetermined word that any partner can say to pause, stop, or decrease the intensity of the scene. Words like “stop” or “no” often aren’t helpful in kinky sex, since pretending to resist can be part of the scene.
A safe word should be a word that wouldn’t naturally come up during sex, like “cheese.” Common safe words include red, yellow, and green. Red typicall means stop everythign immediately, yellow means slow down or change, and green means keep going. (You and your partner should decide on your definitions before beginning play.)
4. SSC
SSC stands for safe, sane, and consensual. It is a framework to guide your kinky practices so everyone has a good time. Is it safe to do? Is it a sane thing to do? Is it consensual for everyone involved?
5. RACK
RACK stands for risk-aware consensual kink. It’s more specific than SSC, because what’s safe and sane to one person might be kooky and spooky to another. This framework asks that everyone is aware of the risks involved, how to mitigate those risks, and everyone consents to it.
Humiliation, impact play, and sensation play are all examples that might fall under RACK.
6. BORK
BORK stands for balls-out risky kink. It’s basically the opposite of SSC. This philosophy allows for risky and potentially dangerous kinky activities.
Many experts don’t recommend this as a philosophy, since you can literally die from risky sexual activities, like choking. And if you die from sex, you won’t outlive Mitch McConnell.
7. MFM, MMF, MMM, FFF
This is where the acronyms really start to get out of control. These acronyms are used to describe the people involved in a threesome or moresome, with M for male or F for female. Unfortunately, the most common version of this term is not very gender pronoun progressive.
Generally, the middle letter implies that that person will interact with both partners, but the other two may or may not play with each other.
For example, if it’s listed MFM, the female will interact with both men, but the men won’t necessarily hook up with each other. If it’s listed MMF, the man is in the middle and the other man and woman may or may not play with one another.
8. Voyeur
A voyuer is someone who is sexually gratified by watching people engage in “private acts, like sex.
9. Exhibitionist
An exhibitionist is someone who is sexually gratified by being watched doing “private” things, like sex. A voyeur and an exhibitionist are a perfect pair, like chocolate and peanut butter or Greta Gerwig and Barbie.
10. Pegging
Pegging is “a sexual activity in which a woman wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates a man anally,” says Dumonceaux. Sex advice writer Dan Savage invented the term and then Broad City popularized it. You just need the Jeremy to your Abby and a dishwasher-safe dildo.
11. D/s
D/s stands for dominance and submission. It is an erotic or sexual power exchange, where the submissive, or sub, gives up control to a dominant, or dom. This is generally written with a capital D for Dominant and lowcare s for submissive to emphasize the power difference.
12. Femdom
Femdom is “a BDSM scene or relationship in which a female-identifying person is a dominant partner or top partner,” says Dumonceaux.
Mistress, Madame, or Dominatrix are all common titles for a woman dominant and all feel much better than when a teenager calls you “ma’am.”
13. Goddess Worship
Goddess Worship is a kinky dynamic where a submissive worships a female dominant’s body part or her whole body. The submissive may worship the body part by kissing, licking, and sucking on it, but only with the goddess’s permission.
14. Brat
A brat is “a submissive or bottom who maintains a defiant, misbehaving demeanor toward their dominant through words and actions,” says Dumonceaux. For most submissives, if their dominant says jump, they ask how high. A brat will say “make me.”
15. DDlg
DDlg stands for Daddy Dom/little girl. It’s a power exchange relationship with the dominant playing a father figure and the submissive playing a little girl.
16. Aftercare
Aftercare is the period after a kink scene in which the participants care for each other’s physical and emotional needs. But, you can engage in aftercare after any sexual activity, kinky or not.
Kinky sex can give an amazing hormonal high, but can also lead to an intense emotional comedown known as sub drop or top drop. Aftercare can include cuddling, drinking water, taking a shower together, making food or eating snacks, or other comforting activities.
In her free time, she enjoys volunteering for reproductive justice causes, dropping that she worked at Walt Disney World into every conversation, and using her Wedding and Events Planner certification to throw Survivor watch parties. See more of her work on her website or follow her on Twitter @maddihiggs.
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