Major Tuddy is a pig inspired by The Hogs, a nickname for their offensive line in the 1980s and 1990s. They're automatically last because they used to be the Washington Redskins, but then changed their name to the Washington Team, and finally to the Commanders.
We know pirates don’t all look like they’re always asking for rum before appearing in Tim Burton movies, but Captain Fear is aptly named. This football mascot looks at best like a zombie and at worst like Jigsaw from Saw.
The Raider Rusher is literally just a giant head with arms and legs. Where’s the heart, Raiders?! No seriously, because there’s no torso, and that’s off-putting.
Forgive us for holding bears to such a high standard. Da Bear's competition is Smokey and Paddington, who was voiced by Zelenskyy in the Ukranian dub. So we’ve got two life-savers and... then there's this Mike Ditka-inspired mammal.
Pat Patriot is a caricature of a patriot from the American revolution. He's like if Gaston from Beauty and the Beast channeled the Kool Aid Man’s energy. And nobody asked for that.