How to Talk Dirty in the Bedroom (Plus, Sexting Ideas)

When it comes to dirty talk, some of us are naturals, and some of us can’t get through a moan without bursting into laughter.

We get it: talking dirty can feel super awkward and uncomfortable. You might be thinking, what do I say? What if I suck at this? Am I going to sound like a D-list dominatrix?

Think of dirty talk like learning any other language: at first it feels foreign to you, but after a while, you’ll be dreaming in sexy phrases! Fortunately, there’s no Duolingo owl to harass you into taking lessons, so we’ll have to do our best.

How to Talk Dirty

1. Start With Sexting

Texting can feel like a safer space to try out salacious lingo. It gives you time to come up with what to say next, and you can totally burst out laughing as much as you want without killing the mood for your boo.

If you’ve got some writer’s block, here are some sexting phrases to get you going,

I’ve been so horny all day thinking about fucking you.
You make me so wet.
You are so good at going down on me.
When are you getting home? I can’t wait to feel your perfect cock inside me again.

Just make sure you double check the recipient before pressing “send,” because one time I sexted “Dad” instead of “Dan,” and I haven’t been able to look my father in the eye since.

2. Keep It Short and Sweet

While it’s cool to get a little more descriptive in sexts, the key to non-awkward, dirty verbal communication is to keep it short and sweet.

At first, it’s OK to stick with affirming, positive reinforcement, such as “yes, more,” “I love that,” and “that feels so good.” He probably doesn’t need to hear you wax poetic about his hairy balls.

3. Get to Know Yourself

How can you talk dirty if you don’t even know what turns you on? Figure out the things your partner does that get you all hot and bothered, then sext that to him. For example, “nothing turns me on more than when you touch me [insert steamy body part].”

The next time you and your partner have sex, really be mindful of what feels good and what’s working for you.

You can even jot it down after to remind yourself so you can have some go-to sexy phrases on hand. (Yes, boys, that’s why we’re always going to the bathroom after sex! You caught us).

4. Be Honest

What makes dirty talk awkward is when it’s clearly inauthentic. Make sure everything you say is rooted in a genuine desire to have your partner do X, lick Y, or suck Z.

The things you say will have more passion behind them, and it’ll also save you from having to blurt out a panic-stricken “never mind!” when he or she tries to stick a spoon in your butthole because you were using predictive text.

5. Turn It On… Them

If expressing your wants, desires, and fantasies is too uncomfortable for you, try shifting the focus onto your partner. Tell them what you love about them, what turns you on the most about their body, and how talented they are at all the, um, technical aspects of sex. Who doesn’t love compliments? Your partner is going to eat it up, and then eat you up.

Here are some examples of affirmative sexy talk for text, video, or IRL, because I just love being your dirty little ghost writer:

Just wait until I get my hands on you.
I can’t wait to see you naked. Your body turns me on.
I’m touching myself right now. Are you?
Your lips are so sexy; I want to feel them all over me.
I miss your body. What position do you want to fuck me in?
You always look so hot when you’re [insert sexual activity].
Yes, more of that. It feels so good.
Harder.
God, you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
I want you.
I want you inside of me.
You taste amazing.
I love it when you do that.
Pull my hair.
Spank me.
Don’t stop.
Louder.
Softer.
More.
You make me cum so hard.
Yes you can do the dishes later.

We’re gettin’ steamy up in here! The key to any sexual experience is to make it as fun and enjoyable as possible. Find what works for you, and lean into that. Before you know it, you’ll be fluent in dirty talk, you little minx!

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Chelsea Frank

Chelsea Frank is a comedy and travel writer born and bullied in Los Angeles, CA. When she's not flying to tropical islands for "work" or trying to get pregnant by hot Israelis, she's writing for places like Uproxx, TripSavvy, Thrillist, The Daily Beast, Reductress, and and for other comedians.

Chelsea has traveled to over 50 countries and has had every major third-world disease (but like, in a hot way). Follow her on Instagram and Twitter!