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Home » Lifestyle » Astrology

It’s Gonna Be… May Horoscopes!

By Sean Peecook | May 1, 2019 | Updated on June 2, 2023 | Leave a Comment
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Funny Horoscopes May 2019 crystal ball

Crazy as it sounds, these funny horoscopes for May don’t have anything to do with Justin Timberlake.

But these predictions will help you navigate what’s coming your way the last month before summer finally arrives. Because, we love Game of Thrones and all, but we’re really done with winter. And, apparently so is Arya Stark.

Funny Horoscopes - Palm trees and hammock on beach

Your May Horoscopes

 

Taurus

You’ve always been a bit bull-headed. Unfortunately, this isn’t effective when you’re facing off against an actual bull.

 

Gemini

No man is an island, but you’ll make millions when you pitch Hollywood execs on your idea of sending all of your exes to one.

 

Cancer

Your dreams will finally come true. The froyo shop finally has peanut butter!

 

Leo

You’re not going to get your way, and that’s why you shouldn’t make lefts from the right lane.

 

Virgo

New love could require a leap of faith on your part. Good thing you’ve been practicing your stretches.

 

Libra

Making decisions is not your forte, but this month you have to make an important choice. The more ornate cup is definitely the right one.

 

Scorpio

Talking a walk can help you clear your head and realize that it’s time for you to move.

 

Sagittarius

Sometimes to find meaning and connection you have to set down your phone and pick up a laptop or tablet.

 

Capricorn

You’ve always been very intuitive, which is why you don’t have to actually read the article on why the earth is round to make your point.

 

Aquarius

Someone will spoil your experience of Avengers: Endgame. Do they know how hard it is to get soda out of linen?

 

Pisces

Turns out, investing in Pinterest really does pay off. That wedding board you’re never going to use is just perfect.

 

Aries

Assertiveness has always come naturally to you. Do it. Put all the shrimp on your plate.

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Sean Peecook
Sean Peecook
Sean Peecook is a tall and silly copywriter and comedian from Chicago, Illinois. See him on the stage at Second City, or at the theater watching the next Paddington movie alone. You can find him on Twitter at @notgreganymore.
Sean Peecook
Latest posts by Sean Peecook (see all)
  • Your Horoscope for December - December 1, 2019
  • Your July 2019 Horoscopes Are Here! - July 1, 2019
  • Your June Horoscopes! - June 1, 2019
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432 shares
432 shares