Halloween can be a great time to dress up in a sexy Halloween costume. Morticia, Barbie, a sexy mouse… whatever your fancy. But sometimes, these costumes are offensive. And, sometimes they’re just plain WTF.
If you’ve ever wanted to get up close and personal with a cactus, now is your chance. At this rate, maybe next year we’ll see a hot Pufferfish on the market.
Either way, here’s the worst sexy costumes that you know someone is going to buy last minute this Halloween.
25 Sexy Halloween Costumes That Really Shouldn’t Exist
1. Sexy Cookie Costume
Food may be one of our love languages, but this isn’t getting us as hot and bothered as a warm cheese pizza does. (Hot, because it’s fresh out of the oven. Bothered, because cheese.)
When this costume isn’t making us think of Spot the Dog (you see it too, right?!), it’s making us crave a cookie…one that doesn’t have belly button lint on it.
Get it at Spicy Lingerie
2. Sexy Bag of Weed
Sure, people love weed. But Sexy Weed? We’re not totally familiar with that strain, and the plastic wrap dress isn’t really doing it for us. It is, however, really making our deodorant work.
Get it at Dolls Kill
3. Sexy Beetlejuice
Seeing this makes us so happy that Michael Keaton wore pants for his costume. Even though this version doesn’t come with any.
Despite the fact that this ghost with the most costume also looks like a referee who’s been stuck watching the same game of badminton for 100 years, we kind of love the zipper functionality. We’re still having nightmares about that Cheetara catsuit from five years ago.
Get it at Dolls Kill
4. Sexy Hamburglar
It doesn’t even come with a burger?! Send it back.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
5. Sexy Pencil
Look. We’re all about creativity. We’re here for thinking outside the box. But sexualizing a pencil? Come on! Everyone knows it should have been a pen.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
6. Sexy Inspector Gadget
Go go gadget get our flip flops after wearing these tight black vinyl boots all night.
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7. Sexy Strawberry
We were almost here for this one. Chocolate-covered strawberries? Sexy. Eating strawberries? Can be sexy. Giant fuzzy foot things that look like Gumby going through puberty? No thank you, and no thanks again.
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8. Sexy Freddy Krueger
Is this a nightmare within a nightmare? Does Christopher Nolan have the rights to that?
Get it at Forplay
9. Sexy Bulbasaur
Technically we guess this Pokemon costume counts as gym attire.
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10. Sexy Scarecrow
If you ever looked at the creepy character in Trick or Treat and said, why can’t I dress up as a sexy version of that, now’s your chance. We’re banning you from watching Annabelle.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
11. Sexy Wario
And here we were thinking that the sexiest version of Wario possible was Elon Musk’s version.
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12. Sexy Silence of the Lambs
Clarice, have you seen my brain purse anywhere? Clarice?
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13. Sexy Cactus
The best part about this prickly pear costume is that you can reuse the fascinator for a Derby Party. And the rest of the costume for any time you want to walk unbothered through NYC.
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14. Sexy Seahorse
Are you dressing up as a seahorse or is it trying to merge with your head? Asking for a friend.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
15. Sexy Chucky
No, Chucky. For the last time. You are a very sore loser. We still can’t find all the Scrabble letters from the last time.
Get it at Forplay
16. Sexy Bob Ross
We were so ready to pass judgment for trying to sexify a famously wholesome figure. But our very next thought was, “hehe, Boob Ross.” So, we’re leaning into it.
For this Sexy Bob Ross costume (which we will have confusing dreams about for the next year), they note that the paint brush isn’t included. But don’t let that get you down! Nothing can stop you. Go get ‘em, kid. With consent, of course.
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17. Sexy Cow
Okay, okay. We see where they were going with this. Everybody knows that milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard, so why not go straight to the source?
Is there anything sexier than combating ignorance by learning about where your goods come from, and confronting the many moving parts that go into the creation of products that we take for granted? We didn’t think so.
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18. Sexy Special Brownie Baker
Thank goodness this baker outfit comes with a purse and a tiny apron. The makers even decorated the outfit with an adorable “Let’s Get Baked” and plant graphics! We think they must be fresh herbs, making this whole ensemble perfect for baking in the kitchen with Grandma.
Get it at Dolls Kill
19. Sexy Buzz Lightyear
If you’re planning on wearing this in outer space, you might be a little cold. And like, dead. If you’re wearing it trick-or-treating in the Northeast, you’ll also be a tad chilly. And, you’ll probably find more Woodies than usual.
Get it at Forplay
20. Sexy Sherlock Holmes
We don’t imagine that this costume is very comfortable for long days at the desk filling out paperwork, or exploring a murder in the woods. But it’s a houndstooth pattern, so it must be legit.
And don’t worry about the pants. It doesn’t take a detective to figure out where they went. (The laundry, when we spilled our fifth cup of coffee on them.)
Get it at Forplay
21. Sexy Mario
This costume is a shameful representation of plumbers. High-waisted bottoms? What about the iconic plumber crack?! Whatever happened to authenticity?
This Mario-Cheerleader mash-up comes with a mushroom hat, a red off-the-shoulder crop top, miniskirt with star and coin patches, a set of pom poms, and undies that say “it’s a me!” It’s not a crack, but it’ll do.
Get it at Dolls Kill
22. Sexy Bubble Bath
The irony is not lost on us that they’re making a sexy costume by adding clothes to a typically nude activity. Not to mention it’s one where you sit stewing in your own dead skin cells.
Instead of making this only a skin-tight beige suit, the makers have accented the onesie with bubbles. Not to be confused with Sexy Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum, they also include a rubber ducky and a loofah! Ah, yes, now the costume makes sense.
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23. Sexy Piñata
This certainly seems like one of the more comfortable sexy Halloween costume options. But without the horn-and-tassel-ladden hood, you could easily pass for one those things at a car wash. Which…is also sexy.
However, it is important to note the most important thing about this dress: It. Has. Pockets. That’s the sexiest thing we’ve see out of this whole list.
Get it at Tipsy Elves
24. Sexy Hot Sauce
With this little number, you can put the “ass” in “Tabasco.” Why you would want to do that? Only your therapist’s therapist knows.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
25. Sexy Frog
There can only be two explanations for how this costume came to be:
1. A mutant frog absolutely baked out of their mind goes to Burger King, dons that paper crown, and is caught trying to swallow an entire human being.
2. A party-goer on their way to a rave encounters a mutant frog king, dethrones and beheads the cruel dictator, and heroically wears the head as a trophy.
Yeah…we think we’ll just stick to being a witch.
Get it at Spicy Lingerie
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