“I need someone else to prevent forest fires for like 10 minutes.”
This week, we’re shining a spotlight on Jo Diggity, Super Mario 2-loving mom based in Atlanta, Georgia. Under her handle @WhaJoTalkinBout, this Southern comedian has blessed us with some of the funniest tweets we’ve read on everything from candles and motherhood to plants and bank robberies.
Because, you know you’ve thought about robbing a bank to get more bread for plants.
According to your horoscope, you’re about to be laughing while reading through these tweets. So grab a cocktail and enjoy!
20 of Jo Diggity‘s Funniest Tweets
1. Why does Smokey expect me to do everything??
I need someone else to prevent forest fires for like 10 minutes.
— jo (@whatsJo) June 28, 2017
2. That can’t be healthy.
her: did you know makeup expires?
me: *spits mine out* what— jo (@whatsJo) May 4, 2018
3. Karen, quit whining.
Go ahead and call HR, I don't even work here.
— jo (@whatsJo) June 25, 2016
4. Guess I’ll be Netflix and chilling by myself.
him: I think we should see other people
me: is that on hulu or netflix
— jo (@whatsJo) August 5, 2018
5. The Days of Our Lives.
him, leaving for work: we still need to talk about your soap opera addiction
me: *walks away and stares out the window as the rain starts to fall* just go
— jo (@whatsJo) April 12, 2019
6. Seriously, who answers their phone on the first ring??
paramedic: sir, I tried “Wife” from your phone and she didn’t pick up
my husband: *gasping for breath* you have to call twice
— jo (@whatsJo) June 12, 2019
7. Ah, my childhood.
me, as a child: *walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit I fought from a hawk*
my mom, on the phone: *mouthing* I’m on the phone
— jo (@whatsJo) March 2, 2019
8. Well *that* took quite a turn.
kids: can we get a lollipop at the bank
me: if you’re good *pulls mask down over my face*
— jo (@whatsJo) February 5, 2019
9. Can I just Venmo you?
mugger: gimme all your cash
me: lmao my what
— jo (@whatsJo) February 6, 2019
10. Where’d it go??
[wears my camouflage hat] where’s my camouflage hat
— jo (@whatsJo) September 13, 2018
11. Of course I already studied their Yelp page.
waiter: do you need a minute to look over the menu?
me, researched it online: yes please— jo (@whatsJo) January 15, 2019
12. Puns are my love language.
[invention of the chalkboard] remarkable
— jo (@whatsJo) May 17, 2018
13. WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
[through chopstick walrus tusks] divorth?
— jo (@whatsJo) September 24, 2018
14. Justice!
me: I'm going to build a time machine
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
— jo (@whatsJo) March 13, 2019
15. Do as I say, not as I do.
kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am— jo (@whatsJo) May 26, 2018
16. Yeah, bro!
him: you’re not like other girls
me, at the urinal next to him: how
— jo (@whatsJo) October 19, 2018
17. I hate when that happens.
https://twitter.com/WhaJoTalkinBout/status/1071504498538004481
18. I always forget about this joke.
[After inventing a memory loss machine] I should invent a memory loss machine
— jo (@whatsJo) September 28, 2018
19. It’s only fair.
If an animal kills me in the wild, please take its picture with my body
— jo (@whatsJo) October 25, 2018
20. Playing with fire.
anytime I light a candle I immediately picture a firefighter explaining to my neighbors how it happened
— jo (@whatsJo) January 2, 2019
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I can be found on Twitter at @macmccanntx or at my site, Mac McCann.
I’ve written hundreds of articles on a wide variety of topics. My work has been published in more than a dozen publications, including The Dallas Morning News, The Chicago Tribune, Newsday, The Houston Chronicle, The Seattle Times, Complex, The Charlotte Observer, Sun-Sentinel, The Austin American-Statesman, Reason, Austin Chronicle, Hawaii Tribune-Herald, Dallas Observer, OC Weekly, The La Crosse Tribune, The Intelligencer, The South Bend Tribune, Phoenix New Times, and more.
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