Ah, February 14th. A day to celebrate love and put on that obnoxious heart-covered sweater we keep in our closet to wear once a year. And we love a valentine (or galentine) who has a sense of humor. So, if they can’t laugh at these Valentine’s Day jokes, then they’re going to have to bring a lot of chocolate. Okay, we’re going to need a lot of chocolate regardless.
Whether you’re going full out with candy hearts and bright pink everything or you’re a bit of a secret romantic, share your love with laughter with these Valentine’s Day jokes.
And, don’t forget to use these Valentine’s Day hashtags when you post these jokes on insta!
55 Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes
- What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? Be my Valen-slime!
- What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.
- What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you!
- Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? His heart wasn’t in it.
- Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine? She stole their heart.
- What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
- How can you tell when a squirrel is in love? It goes nuts!
- How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day? For stealing someone’s heart.
- What did one watermelon say to the other? You’re one in a melon!
- What do you call a very small Valentine? A valen-tiny.
- What did the ghost say to his valentine? You look so BOOtiful.
- What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.
- What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time? Choco-late.
- What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!
- What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!
- What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you berry much.
- What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
- What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purr-fect for me.
- What did one sheep say to the other on February 14? I love ewe.
- How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day? A choco-LOT!
- What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day? We’re a perfect match.
- How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine’s date? Whale you be mine?
- Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it’s all heart.
- Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? Because you can party hearty.
- What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places.
- What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget- me-nuts.
- Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
- Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day? Her heart wasn’t in it.
- What are insects called when they’re dating? Lovebugs.
- What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day? Lovesick.
- What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you a whole watt.
- Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
- What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independence Day!
- Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, February 14th.
Valentine’s Day Knock Knock Jokes
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be mine!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butch, Jimmy and Joe. Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who? Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Disguise. Disguise who? Disguise is your boy friend!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bea. Bea who? Bea my Valentine!
Heart Jokes and Puns
- I know this is cheesy, but you’ll always have a pizza my heart.
- You make my heart beet.
- I aorta tell you how much I love you.
- You’re not vein, that’s why I love you.
- Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but it was all in vein.
- You octopi my heart.
Funny Pick-up Lines and Dirty Valentine’s Day Jokes
- Is that Cupid’s arrow in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
- Get over here and eat my heart-shaped box.
- This holiday may be named after a saint, but nothing I’m going to do to you tonight is church-sanctioned.
- Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
- I want to see you with nothing but a “heart on.”
- You’re so sweet you would put Hershey’s out of business.
- Did it hurt? When you got shot by cupid’s arrow.
- Once you go cupid, the rest are just stupid!
- This Valentine’s Day, let’s make like fabric softener and Snuggle.
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