There’s only one movie coming out on July 21 that’s everything our pink-tinged dreams have wanted since we were six, and that’s Oppenheimer. Kidding, it’s actually Barbie, which looks like the most fun existential crisis you’ll ever have. So let’s go party into a life in plastic with this Barbie movie merch.
If it seems like just about every brand has been doing a collab with Barbie in preparation for the summer movie, that’s because they have. And if we had the same marketing department money, we’d never work another day in our lives.
From accessories to pool floats to actual dolls, we’ve rounded up every bit of Barbie merch that you can’t live without. We’re making a lot of assumptions about you, but we think we’re right. We just took a Tarot card reading class.
The Barbie Movie Merch Your Inner Child Needs
1. Barbie the Movie x Moon Bubble Mint Whitening Toothpaste
In Barbie Land, there’s pink everywhere, but everybody’s teeth are pearly white. Because if their teeth were pink, then they’d probably have gingivitis. And there’s no gingivitis in Barbie Land.
You can prevent gum disease in the real world, too, with this Bubble Mint whitening toothpaste that’s vegan and ethically sourced. It also has a container that would look adorable on the counter of your bathroom. And isn’t that what matters most?
2. FUNBOY x Malibu Barbie Golf Cart Pool Float
Four!…the record, there’s no Golfer Barbie in Barbie, even though we have both President Barbie and Diplomat Barbie. Surely there was room for one more? But all are welcome on our float. Except for you, Jack Dawson.
3. Barbie the Movie x AQUA Sequined Mini Dress
If we were a Barbie, we’d be Homebody Barbie, pointedly avoiding the constant and annoying calls of “Come on, let’s go party!”
But if you’re more of a Steppin’ Out Barbie, we’ve found the perfect dress for you. If you need us, we’ll be in our Dream House’s bathtub with fake bubbles and wine. But have fun as you da-ance, dance the night away!
4. Barbie the Movie x FUNBOY Speed Boat Pool Float
Since there’s no water (or any elements) in Barbie Land, this speed boat pool float seems a little impractical. Luckily, our pool is very much filled with real water. Well, it’s technically our friend’s pool. And they don’t actually know that we’re friends. But we’re going to get the courage to talk to them any day now!
5. Barbie the Movie Collectible Ken Doll
This collectible Ken doll looks like he’s dating Britney Spears circa 2001. Hopefully, Ken and Barbie’s relationship ends a little better (and also results in some musical bangers). Note: Ken does not come with roller skates. Yes, we already started a petition.
6. Barbie the Movie x AQUA Pink Crystal Open Heart Statement Earrings in 14K Gold Plated
These pink crystal heart earrings are for all those of us who got our ears pierced at Claire’s. Did it hurt? Yup. Did they get infected? Oh, heck yes. Was it worth it for those rhinestone butterfly studs? The jury’s still out. Ask us again in a few years.
7. Barbie: The Movie Collectible Doll Margot Robbie
This Barbie is ready for every day in Barbie Land to be the best day ever. But if this doll starts asking you if you ever think about dying, it might be time to return it to the store. Nobody asked for Existential Crisis Barbie.
8. Barbie: The Movie Fashion Pack
Have your Barbie don her gingham gown, get ready for a day by the sea, or settle in for a pajama party. Since we’re talking about nostalgia, does anyone still have one of those shrinky-dink machines? We’re going to try to set it in reverse so we can make these dresses our size.
9. Barbie the Movie x AQUA Heart Crystal Mini Crossbody
Remember when you were so excited to “graduate” from Claire’s and started going to Icing? Well, this purse looks exactly like the first thing you bought when you stepped foot in the big girl store. We’re not knocking it. In fact, we’re buying one for ourselves now. Tell twelve-year-old you that she’s a trendsetter.
10. Barbie x ALDO Heart Kitten Heel
We think we bought this exact same pair of shoes from Payless for Easter of 2002 for around $25. But would we shell out $120 to wear them today? You better make-believe it. Especially if we can pay with make believe money.
11. Dragon Glassware x Barbie Champagne Flutes
We’re fairly certain that if there’s no water in Barbie Land, there’s probably no champagne either. But we can bet that the cast will be cheersing with these champagne glasses when Barbie is the number one box office performer over Oppenheimer.
12. Barbie The Album Vinyl
What’s the main reason to buy this album? The fact that Ryan Gosling performs an original song called “I’m Just Ken.” Sorry, Dua Lipa.
13. UNO Barbie The Movie Card Game
It’s UNO, but with Barbie. So, instead of reverse, you have to do a choreographed dance and bespoke song. Yes, this game will last longer than playing Monopoly with your little brother who demanded to be the banker even though he hasn’t learned about money in school yet.
14. Hot Wheels 2023 Barbie 1956 Corvette
Hot Wheels may be the nickname we’ve given Ryan Gosling’s Ken on roller skates. But it also happens to be the company offering a collectible 1956 Barbie Corvette. We’ll take both.
15. Hot Wheels RC Barbie Corvette
We’re kind of annoyed that there’s no Ken doll hiding in the backseat, but this remote controlled car is still pretty cool. Especially since we can fit our pet gerbil in it! Well, we think that’s cool. Fluffy may have other thoughts.
16. Barbie The Movie DreamHouse Replica
This DreamHouse comes with a little Barbie and a little Ken, so it sounds like Ken will get his wish of sleeping over at Barbie’s house. To make whoopie pies. Obviously.
17. Barbie The Movie President Barbie Doll
As the American election cycle kicks it into full gear, we’re hoping this doll goes full “Life-Size.” A literal doll can’t be much worse than our current offerings, right?
18. LittlePeople Collector, Barbie: The Movie Special Edition Set
Featuring Barbie, Ken, President Barbie, and Gloria, this little set is big on style. And also abs. Now that we know you can fit a ten-pack on two inches of space, we’re officially out of excuses.
19. Barbie The Movie Doll, Gloria Collectible
We’re out here singing “Gloria” to this fierce pantsuit. Forget Barbie Land. This is Gloria’s world, and we’re just so glad to be living in it.
20. Impala Lightspeed Inline Skate in Barbie Bright Yellow
Ken never goes anywhere without his skates — and now you don’t have to either. No car will ever have an excuse to run you off the road again!
21. Barbie Dreamhouse Candle
We imagine Barbie’s DreamHouse is supposed to smell like hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, ours smelled more like burnt plastic from the time we tried to curl Barbie’s hair with our mom’s curling iron. We’re pretty sure that’s not what this candle smells like, though.
22. CozyChic Barbie Adult Robe
If there’s a Stays in Bed Too Long Scrolling TikTok Barbie, she has our heart. And she’s also probably wearing this incredibly luxurious robe.
23. Barbie Classic Clog
Once Barbie loses her heels, it seems like this pair of Crocs would be a perfect fit. Are they fashionable? We truly don’t know anymore. But they are pink, and that’s all that matters.
24. The Ultimate Detangler Totally Pink Barbie Brush
For those of you who managed to keep those blonde Barbie locks intact, this brush will send you back to your childhood. As for us, we’re still mad that our parents told us hair would always grow back, but didn’t specify that Barbie’s wouldn’t.
25. Barbie: The Movie Logo Mini Backpack
This backpack is adorable and all, but you might need a slightly bigger one if you’re going to start carrying all your new collectible Barbies with you everywhere you go. Why wouldn’t you?
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