From the M&Ms getting an unnecessary revamp to Wordle becoming the next stage of the pandemic, it’s been a curious week for funny tweets. Everyone seems to be feeling a little burnt out, but hopefully these raise your spirits a little. If not, might we suggest a Ouija board?
The Funniest Tweets This Week
1. The CDC says it’s ok to go to work if you’ve been bitten by a zombie.
The people that got to 2022 without catching COVID pic.twitter.com/N4SAxJGrwB
— SuperheroesInColor (@HeroesInColor00) January 13, 2022
2. For a four day workweek.
I kinda wish Dolly sang 10-3 instead
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 20, 2022
3. We’ll take a slice of the red velvet bread.
I guess “banana bread” does sound healthier than “breakfast cake.”
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) January 20, 2022
4. Not yet…
5. Flurries expected in Los Angeles tomorrow.
Autocorrect is wrong so often that I’m going to start calling it meteorologist
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) January 20, 2022
6. Trust fund kids! They’re just like us!
Every student at Wharton pic.twitter.com/AAeQzveQML
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) January 20, 2022
7. Jeez, give them some privacy.
8. Exclamation points are next.
I've started putting periods at the end of my sentences again like an Amish person.
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) January 17, 2022
9. The protein bars are right there. Don’t tempt us.
yo why does fruit and veg expire so quickly like give me a chance babe im trying
— tripp (@mrshvrif) January 14, 2022
Spent all morning on the verge of canceling a meeting and they just canceled on me so now I’m furious.
— logan bartlett (@loganbartlett) January 13, 2022
11. Dunno…sounds sus.
wordle people can y’all take a break so we can all get back into among us again i missed that
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) January 13, 2022
12. Nothing says being woke like ditching your heels.
Losing the voting rights bill and getting woke M&Ms instead feels about right
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) January 20, 2022
13. Us: thanks for the reminder to order white go-go boots.
Today on Fresh Air:
The green M&M, newly liberated from her white boots, lets loose. She talks social reproduction theory, how patriarchy and capitalism violently reinforce each other, and what a sexy lady M&M says about gender as a construct.
Stay with us.
— Danielle Kurtzleben (@titonka) January 20, 2022
14. Was it the silly straw?
Is it weird to blow bubbles into the water at a bath house? I do it in my own bath, but the other people in this one seemed upset by it
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) January 20, 2022
15. You heard the raccoon.
Why stop at onion rings? I want an onion necklace. We have the technology
— Son of Dad (@Thuggedraccoon) January 17, 2022
16. Who doesn’t get one? And don’t everyone say Pauly D at once.
They would only get 4 free tests. pic.twitter.com/1WuQP5gE0A
— Jersey Shore (@JerseyShore) January 20, 2022
17. Laundry done. Ga-ling! Dishes washed. Ga-ling! Yeah, ok, she’s right.
if i heard the mario coin sound whenever i completed a task maybe i’d accomplish more
— Tiff (@its_me_your_mom) January 19, 2022
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