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Home » Funny » Memes

The 25 Funniest Tweets by Women This Week

By Rebecca Swanner | September 21, 2020 | Updated on June 5, 2023 | Leave a Comment
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Funny Tweets Women

We’re thinking you might need a laugh this week. Did we guess right? We love when we can actually read minds. (Also, really? Pizza again?)

So, here’s 25 funny tweets written by women including @WhaJoTalkinBout, Dana Donnelly, and Abbi Crutchfield. Give ’em a read, then, when you’re done laughing, please go register to vote.

 

25 Funny Tweets by Women

1. Not today, Satan.

I accidentally bought inspirational paper towels and I am FURIOUS pic.twitter.com/DqooYfjhUg

— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) September 15, 2020

 

2. Oh no, not you too avocado.

https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1305949132960530433

 

3. Didn’t work on the spinach either.

me: popcorn button doesn’t work on the microwave

him: what happened

me: it’s still broccoli

— jo (@whatsJo) September 16, 2020

 

4. Somehow chartreuse.

Sorry about my gender reveal oil spill, but I wanted it to be memorable. I am currently hiding from the authorities, but did anyone happen to notice if the wildlife turned more pink or more blue?

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 8, 2020

 

5. Sometimes it pays to have your guard up.

This is so fucking embarrassing for that alligator https://t.co/ezhKSqep1X

— GL (@gldivittorio) September 20, 2020

 

6. Is the right answer no? Also, how do you feel about a frog paperweight?

"Olga did you expense a … scorpion desk?" https://t.co/SyCgXi8FJA

— Olga Khazan (@olgakhazan) September 11, 2020

 

7. Same goes if you’re a magician.

i think that if you can juggle you should be upfront with your friends and loved ones about that fact

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 17, 2020

 

8.What, you don’t know the real rules?

[teaching my boyfriend cards]

ME: the blue ones represent logic, the yellow are morality & order, the green use instinct & interdependence, and the red value chaos & impulse

HIM: *frantically flipping through UNO instruction booklet*

— Rads (@_radsy) January 21, 2018

 

9. How do you feel about essential oils?

this girl I haven't spoken to in five years just messaged me on facebook. is she trying to recruit me for a pyramid scheme or is she trying to recruit me for a pyramid scheme

— secondand sarahnade 💫 (@sarahndipity18) September 14, 2020

 

10. Hoping spooky season ends soon.

https://twitter.com/danadonly/status/1307128163638685696

 

11. TBH Cookie Monster wasn’t the cleverest either.

JIM HENSON: [after a long night of naming characters] fuck I dunno … big bird, I guess?

— Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger) April 29, 2019

 

12. 47 and counting. What’s your score?

Sorry can’t close any of the tabs on my phone, I don’t want to read this Wikipedia article on the history of Dance Dance Revolution now but I might want to later

— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) September 20, 2020

 

13. We’ve seen this act before.

me to the ants that keep coming out of my showerhead pic.twitter.com/Wz43Drspw3

— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) September 20, 2020

 

14. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

making jokes about 2020 like pic.twitter.com/TwkaZpgjy5

— Preeti Chhibber is over on 🟦 ☁️ (@runwithskizzers) September 20, 2020

 

 

15. It sounds like you might need to have that PSL condition checked out.

cottagecore isn't just an aesthetic if you cut me i will bleed pumpkin spice

— emma lord (@dilemmalord) September 16, 2020

 

16. No glove, no love, my dude.

https://twitter.com/roxiqt/status/1306386965231742977

 

18. :scrolls through Instagram once more time:

I can either work 72 hours a week or zero no in between

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) September 20, 2020

 

19. A girl can dream.

last year: i want to travel the world
now: i would like to sit on a different couch

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 17, 2020

 

19. 2020 be like that all the time.

Easy fall dinner ideas:
• A handful of chocolate chips
• Gin
• Wheat Thins and a good cry

— Duchess Goldblatt (@duchessgoldblat) September 14, 2020

 

20. Who wants a sponge cake?

https://twitter.com/SafyHallanFarah/status/1304484869209305088

 

21. Baaaaaaaaaaaa!

when goats die they become ghoasts

— Kate again (@Kateness8) September 21, 2020

 

22. Wait. Did the girls do this to us?

everyone trapped inside meanwhile boobs are experiencing more freedom than ever

— ✨V✨ (@coolauntV) April 4, 2020

 

23. At this point we’ll try anything.

Surely the new notebook and pens I just purchased will solve all of my problems.

— Rachel Vorona Cote (@RVoronaCote) September 21, 2020

 

24. What if we use them all at once?

Onion can you relax bc I can’t and this is rude https://t.co/zorqLg8qqG

— Preeti Chhibber is over on 🟦 ☁️ (@runwithskizzers) September 21, 2020

 

25. Sorry?

girls be like “happy birthday to the craziest person i know” and it’s just sarah

— Rachel (@femaleredhead) September 16, 2020

  • Author
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Rebecca Swanner
Rebecca Swanner
Founder + Editor-in-Chief at Darcy
Pleased to meet you. I'm the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Darcy: The world's first smart, funny lifestyle site for women.

I've written or worked for a wide range of lifestyle sites and magazines, including Billboard, Nylon, Parade, Men's Journal, Us Weekly, Stuff, Blender, Beachbody, Alternative Press, Electronic Gaming Monthly, and more. See more on my LinkedIn.

On the baking side of things, I've run my own baking company and competed on Cupcake Wars, so hit me up with your baking questions! I respond fastest on Instagram where you can find me @darcymagazine

Want to know more? Here's my full bio.
Rebecca Swanner
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As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. This post may contain affiliate links from Amazon and other sites that we collect a share of sales from.
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138 shares
138 shares