107 Stupid Jokes You Just Can’t Help But Laugh At

Put your PhD away – you won’t need it to appreciate these hilariously stupid jokes. (Or most things in life, but sure, it was totally worth it!). If you need a quick laugh these silly one-liners, cheesy puns, and knock knock jokes are perfect for bringing some humor to any situation. Except for a parking ticket hearing. Maybe.

Break them out at your next social gathering and you’ll have the crowd cackling…or at least rolling their eyes with a grin on their face. Dads will envy your cleverness and intellectuals will wonder why they ever need to remember so many numbers of pi. When you have these funny jokes on hand, you’ll be the star of any show!

Even if your cat is the only one who’s listening.

107 Stupid Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At

1. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
2. I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!
3. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
4. Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD!
5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
6. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? “HDMI.”
7. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
8. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
9. A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
10. My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
11. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

12. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
13. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
14. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.
15. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
16. I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?
17. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
18. The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.
19. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
20. A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it.
21. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

22. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
23. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”
24. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
25. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
26. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
27. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
28. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.
29. Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.
30. How do you make an octopus laugh? You give him ten tickles.
31. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
32. When is your door not actually a door? When it’s ajar.
33. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
34. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.

35. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
36. What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
37. What did the grapefruit say to the orange? “You’re one in a melon!”
38. What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!”
39. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
40. What should you give a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
41. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
42. What do you call a polar bear in the jungle? Lost
43. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
44. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

45. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? “You look flushed.”
46. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
47. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
48. What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A moosician.
49. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
50. I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
51. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
52. What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.
53. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the water? Bob.
54. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
55. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

56. Why did the baker go to therapy? Because he kneaded help.
57. Why don’t sprinters eat before a race? Because they fast!
58. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
59. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
60. Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!
61. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
62. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
63. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
64. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

65. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!
66. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
67. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.
68. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”
69. Can February march? No, but April may!
70. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!
71. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
72. What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

TK Stupid Knock Knock Jokes

73. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Lettuce.
    Lettuce who?
    Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
74. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Broken pencil.
    Broken pencil who?
    Never mind. There’s no point.
75. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Avenue.
    Avenue who?
    Avenue heard this one before?
76. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Tank.
    Tank who?
    You’re welcome.
77. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Tank.
    Tank who?
    You’re welcome!
78. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cargo.
    Cargo who?
    No. Car go, “Beep-beep!”
79. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Interrupting cow.
    Interrupting cow wh- MOOOOOOOO!

80. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ya.
    Ya who?
    Wow. You sure are excited to see me!
81. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Alpaca.
    Alpaca who?
    Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!
82. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Claire.
    Claire who?
    Claire the way, I’m coming through!
83. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cows go.
    Cows go who?
    No, cows go MOO!
84. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Nobel.
    Nobel who?
    No bell, that’s why I knocked!
85. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Wanda.
    Wanda who?
    Wanda you like to hear another joke?
86. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dwayne.
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the tub! It’s overflowing!
87. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Figs.
    Figs who?
    Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!
88. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cash.
    Cash who?
    No thanks. I have a nut allergy.
89. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Who.
    Who who?
    Is there an owl in here?

90. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Two knee.
    Two knee who?
    Two-knee fish!
91. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Norma Lee.
    Norma Lee who?
    Norma Lee I don’t go around knocking on doors, but I just had to meet you!
92. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Doris.
    Doris who?
    Doris locked, that’s why I knocked!
93. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    The talking lobster.
    The talking lobster who?
    How many talking lobsters do you know?
94. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Justin.
    Justin who?
    Justin time for dinner!
95. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Adore.
    Adore who?
    Adore is between us, so open it!
96. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Police.
    Police who?
    Police hurry up and answer the door!
97. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Oswald.
    Oswald who?
    Oswald a bug! [cough]
98. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Luke.
    Luke who?
    Luke through the peephole and see!
99. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cook.
    Cook who?
    Yes you certainly are.
100. Knock, knock.
     Who’s there?
     Aardvark.
     Aardvark who?
     Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles!
101. Knock, knock.
     Who’s there?
     Boo.
     Boo who?
     Why are you crying? It’s just a joke!

102. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     Etch.
     Etch who?
     Bless you!
103. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     Harry.
     Harry who?
     Harry up, it’s cold out here!
104. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     Omelet.
     Omelet who?
     Omelet you go. I can see you’re busy.
105. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     Smell map.
     Smell map who?
     Ewww!
106. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     To.
     To who?
     It’s to whom!
107. Knock knock.
     Who’s there?
     Radio.
     Radio who?
     Radio not, here I come!

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Hannah Rex

Hannah Rex is Darcy’s Executive Editor. She has a background in journalism, content marketing, and SEO writing. She currently covers entertainment news, food news and trends, pop culture trends, and more. In addition to Darcy, she has written for companies including Beachbody, FitPlan, Soothe, Let's Eat Cake, and Her Campus. She also manages Darcy’s Instagram and weekly newsletters.

When not sitting behind a computer writing and editing, she’s an avid runner and yogi with an RYT 200 certification. Follow her on Instagram @hannah_rex and LinkedIn.

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